Thursday, August 21, 2014


You don't have a reason to be tired.

 School, study, life, sleep, school, study, life, sleep, repeat. Over and over again. The same old routine, without a change. Year after year. When you finally burn out at a tender age people around you wonder why, why would you be so tired? Why would you have a reason to feel utterly freaking exhausted? They just don't know how hard you work behind the scenes. They think you have the easy life. After all it's just school, right? It's not like you have to bust your ass in order to obtain your only scholarship that you depend on in order to go to college, right? It's not like you have to study for 8 hours every day, right? Then help everyone else while you yourself is falling apart every single waking moment. After all this- they wonder why you are tired. From the time you wake up til the time you go to sleep you are working hard and on top of that, you are fighting hundreds if not thousands of demons in your own mind. You hate yourself more than anyone could ever imagine. You count every single flaw, you over analyze every single one of them. You do it so much that you actually make yourself physically sick. So you go through this cycle of starving, observing every single movement you make, then you feel better, you eat normally, you give yourself a break, you actually start "liking" yourself- then BAM! right back to the start of the cycle. But darling, you can't be tired. No, you have no reason to be exhausted. No matter how much energy you take hating your freaking guts. You must be perfect, you MUST obtain straight A's. Oh, you freaking better keep a smile on your face when you're not alone or else. My own family questions me why I'm so tired, they have no clue. Seriously, they don't. So next time i say i am tired and get questioned "why?" - i will just say "Oh, no reason." because that's easier than telling them all this.